Digital Manners: How to Navigate Group Chat Etiquette Without Annoying Everyone

Group messaging apps have replaced traditional communication methods for everything from coordinating social events to work projects. Etiquette experts share essential guidelines for proper group chat behavior, from keeping messages brief to knowing when to leave a conversation.

Digital messaging groups have transformed how we communicate, but navigating these conversations requires understanding some unwritten rules.

Where we once relied on phone calls, emails, or face-to-face conversations, today’s coordination happens through platforms like iMessage, WhatsApp, and Slack. These tools help organize everything from friend gatherings and children’s parties to work assignments and even sensitive government communications — including Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth’s recent sharing of airstrike information through a Signal group.

While these informal messaging platforms have gained widespread adoption, their casual nature creates unique problems: conversations can drift away from their original purpose, repetitive questions can frustrate participants, and content one person finds amusing might upset others.

Digital courtesy follows the same fundamental principles as traditional manners, though they are “context specific and many of the rules are implicit rather than explicit,” explained Rupert Wesson, academy director at Debrett’s, the British etiquette authority, who provided guidance to The Associated Press.

According to Wesson, proper behavior centers on showing care and consideration for fellow group members. This means thinking about how your messages will impact recipients.

Avoid wasting others’ time by asking questions easily answered through a quick internet search or by reviewing earlier messages in the conversation thread.

The Trent Windsurfing Club in Nottingham, England, which uses both WhatsApp and email for member communication, has created a detailed 15-point guide posted on their website.

“Don’t get angry if someone doesn’t respond to your messages in a group. No one is obliged to do so. Better send him/her a direct message,” the club advises.

The organization also recommends: “Before sending a video, picture, meme or any content, analyze if such material will be in the interest of the majority of the members of the group.”

Additionally, they suggest avoiding large video files or attachments since “nobody likes to saturate the memory of their smartphone or waste their data/internet plan on nonsense.” The club did not respond to requests for additional comment.

Keep the group’s intended function in mind at all times. For conversations created with specific practical goals, focus solely on the task without unnecessary additions, Wesson advised.

However, “some groups are there for frivolity and here, more is more,” he noted.

Common sense should guide content choices: avoid sharing personal information in professional or business-related groups, and keep work discussions out of family and friend conversations.

New members should observe the conversation flow before participating actively, especially since some platforms prevent newcomers from viewing previous messages.

“It is always best to err on the side of caution until you are very clear on the purpose and culture of the group,” Wesson recommended.

Response frequency depends on group size. While some participants feel compelled to acknowledge every message, even with simple “thanks” replies, this approach can overwhelm larger groups similar to email reply-all situations.

Wesson suggests considering participant numbers when deciding whether to respond.

“If there are three of you in the group, a response, if only an emoji, is almost expected,” Wesson observed. “In group of 50 or more it is practically a criminal offense.”

This consideration becomes particularly crucial for workplace communications, where many office employees now use platforms like Slack and Microsoft Teams instead of traditional email.

While these tools feel more casual than email, maintain the same professional standards you would apply to other company communications.

“Assume anything messaged can be forwarded and be especially cautious of work chats (however informal they appear),” Wesson warned. “As countless people have discovered at employment tribunals, any diversion into anything indecorous can be career limiting.”

Keep your messages concise and clear.

Brief communications reduce the risk of misinterpretation, since readers may understand your words differently than intended.

For work-related topics requiring detailed discussion, consider scheduling an in-person meeting, phone conversation, or sending a formal email instead.

“No one wants to read a 7-inch-long unformatted message when an organized attachment would have worked better,” experts at The Emily Post Institute — America’s equivalent to Debrett’s — noted in their business communication guidance.

Perfect grammar, punctuation, and emoji usage aren’t required in casual messaging.

“You should not feel too constricted and nor should you judge others for playing fast and loose with the King’s English,” Wesson said. “Just let brevity and clarity be your guide.”

While emojis can effectively express meaning and add personality, use them carefully since they can create confusion.

Significant differences exist between similar symbols — like the crying emoji versus the laughing-crying emoji, Wesson pointed out. Exercise caution and avoid emojis in sensitive situations, such as offering condolences.

If notification volume becomes overwhelming or comments make you uncomfortable, simply mute the conversation. Don’t hesitate to exit groups where your participation isn’t necessary.

Before departing, consider informing the group administrator.

“The group administrator has a responsibility to ensure the chat serves its purpose and that things don’t get too out of hand,” Wesson explained.

When administrators face disruptive members, what actions should they take?

“If things are going awry, deleting a member is an option but perhaps a little drastic. A quiet DM or a brief muting should always be considered first,” Wesson suggested.

Whether to announce your departure depends on circumstances. Large, temporary event groups with many strangers probably don’t require farewell messages.

However, professional situations like remote work projects warrant notification to team members.

“When leaving make it clear that you are removing yourself immediately so the chat does not fill-up with people wishing you farewell,” Wesson advised.